I'm Not Very Handy With Tools

OK, folks. It's true confessions time.

There are many things I may or may not be, but a handy man is not one of them. My tolerance level for all things mechanical is very low. In fact,  I detest machinery that doesn't work.

Mind you, me and tools are a dangerous combination. The height of my anger and frustration levels are off the charts when things stop working for no apparent reason.

Same boat and motor as mentioned below. Good thing the fuse didn't go with the kids aboard.

I buy a car, and it's expected to run. We do our part by getting oil changes every 3,000 miles. We take our rides in for scheduled maintenance, and put new tires on long before the need-to-do-so phase arrives. That means I expect the thing to work.

So this morning I jumped into my fishing car or hunting car (as the seasons dictate) and expect mt battered old ride to move out of the way of the snow blower, and it wouldn't start. So what if it hasn't been started in a month. I demand reliability.

I seldom really get angry but a personal weakness is when an expensive item stops working for no apparent reason. You've seen those film clips where a person takes a sledge hammer to his vehicle.

That could be me but I'm smart enough to realize this problem, and control my anger. But, the frustration level is there. I've never done anything really stupid, but the temptation is always present when mechanical item prove obstinate.

I have an outdoor-writing buddy in Colorado, and he'd had enough of a recalcitrant portable computer. He propped it up on the back side. drew a red bulls-eye on the cover, and shot three rounds from his elk rifle throught it. It didn't help it run at all but now he knew why it wouldn't.

Never had the urge to be a shade-tree mechanic or a person who makes a living wrenching. I know what hammers and screwdrivers are, have a minor working knowledge of a hack saw and wood saw, but beyond that, my knowledge level about using tools falls apart. I suspect my knowledge level is on the same plane as my want-to-know level.

Fortunately, only a buddy was along on this trip.

Once, far from port on Lake Michigan, the motor conked out. My buddy didn't even know what a screwdriver was so he was of no help. We'd boxed a number of chinook salmon, and all of a sudden the motor died.

I was smart enough to have two batteries aboard. One to start the outboard, and another for my marine electronics and downriggers.

I knew it had to one of two things (I hoped): it was either electrical or we'd run out of gas. The gas was no problem, and the gas line from tank to motor was fine. I was getting a spark, but still it wouldn't start.

Stupid me, I ran down one battery trying to start the engine. Failing that because the battery soon ran out of juice, I switched batteries. That other battery soon ran down without turning over the motor.

Now, I had a 50 horsepower Evinrude on the stern, and decided to try hand-cranking the motor. Ever try to start a big engine with a starter rope by hand? No?

Well, don't. I was in my 30s, in good shape, and began pulling. Then the rope would be wrapped around fly wheel (at least that's what someone told me it was), and it would be pulled again. Nothing happened.

We drifted aimlessly along on a soft breeze as other boaters steered clear of us, apparently assuming we were fighting a fish. The engine sat idle, and we drifted some more. I thought about putting a line out, but we weren't moving fast enough to make even a FlatFish work.

No power meant the marine radio wouldn't work. Several hours into our drift, a buddy's boat was spotted and I waved him over. He came along side, and I explained our predicament. He asked about a fuse.

Fuse? What fuse? Boat motors have fuses? He explained that engines indeed have fuses, for what reason I've forgotten, so he jumped aboard my boat, pulled off the engine cover, and showed me my fuse. You got it. It was blown.

It never occurred to me that a boat engine would need fuses. I've learned that lesson.

He jumped back into his boat, located his spare fuses, and came back aboard. He took out the bad fuse, put in a new one, and then he took something out of his boat I'd never seen in any motorized vessel.

A pair of jumper cables were attached from his boat battery to mine. I turned the key and the engine roared to life. It was all rather amazing.

This business of engines was all rather baffling to me. The lessons learned from that episode forced me to have the right fuses aboard, and when all else fails, check the fuse. And to carry jumper cables, and not be stupid.

There have been times when I could put a capital S on the word stupid. And some of those dumb stunts of mine cost me plenty of fishing time.

There are other examples of mechanical things in my life that have gone wrong but I refuse to belabor my ignorance any further. I buy a car, and put gas in one end, oil in the other, and when the ignition key is turned, I expect to hear a running motor.

My boat problem was solved by someone else, and I suspect the car problem also will be fixed by someone else once we get it started and take it in for service. Chances are the problem is one of those head-slappers where I should have known what to do but didn't.

Duh!

Posted via email from Dave Richey Outdoors